It’s been a rough week so far. Normally I am the positive guy and rarely does anything get me down. But this last week has been different, I felt a little depressed at times. My one saving grace has been a quote by Zen master Rinzai:
“What in this moment is lacking?”
I’ve been down about several things, one being financial issues and the other being I miss my best friend who moved away this year. I am getting used to not being able to go over and see my friend and every day gets better, but I sure miss going over and just chatting face-to-face.
The biggest reason for my mild depression has been financial issues. Two of the print on demand sites I sell designs on; Cafepress and Zazzle, both made changes that have affected my sales. Freelance design work has also slowed down. I started 2013 really strong financially but it’s really tapered off. The holiday shopping season is kicking in and that will bring the numbers way up.
When I get down and bummed out, I make myself repeat that quote “what at this moment is lacking?”. This is a really profound question to ask yourself. If I were a person who didn’t understand awareness and ego, I would certainly point out things like I don’t have a new car like the neighbors do or I can afford to eat Chinese tonight.
In the grand scheme of things, these are really pointless things. Of course, the new car is nice and I love Chinese food, but I have a really good van to drive and I’m stocked up on food. It’s hard to look at myself and think that I am lacking in something when there are millions of people on this planet that don’t have fresh water, food, housing… Things I sometimes take for granted. Most importantly I have my health.
To answer the question, all I can truly say is “nothing.” I have a nice apartment, entertainment in the form of TV, Xbox and Netflix. I have food, a hot shower, and a good vehicle to get around. My basic needs are met. My problem isn’t with what I don’t have it with what I think I don’t have. It really helps with my spirit when I think about everything I do have and in turn, that really makes me grateful.
The truth is that I haven’t once failed to pay my bills and have a little extra left over for fun, so why should I start worrying now? At this moment, right now… nothing is lacking in my life. To give my awareness to it, I’m really blessed and I’m really grateful in this moment.
So, what at this moment is lacking for you?